By The Harvard Lampoon
About 3 issues i used to be totally sure. First, Edwart was once probably my soul mate, probably. moment, there has been a vampire a part of him--which i presumed was once wildly out of his control--that sought after me useless. And 3rd, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wanted he had kissed me.
And hence Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen within the Harvard Lampoon's hilarious send-up of Twilight.
Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon searching for experience, or at the least an undead classmate. She quickly discovers Edwart, a super-hot laptop nerd with 0 curiosity in women. After witnessing a few unusual events--Edwart leaves his tater children untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!--Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. yet how can she persuade Edwart to chew her and rework her into his everlasting bride, specifically while he turns out to discover ladies so repulsive?
Complete with romance, threat, inadequate parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like habit, and a vampire promenade, Nightlight is the uproarious story of a vampire-obsessed woman, searching for love in all of the mistaken places.
From the exchange Paperback variation.
Read or Download Nightlight: A Parody PDF
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Additional resources for Nightlight: A Parody
Carcolo blinked. ” “They walk naked through sleet and storm; do you think they fear hunger? And there is wild lichen to be gathered. How could we forbid this? You might dare some sort of coercion, but not I. ” Ervis Carcolo heaved a deep disgusted sigh. “Joaz Banbeck, I took you for a man of decision. ” “Well then. ” Joaz fingered his chin. “If Coralyne recedes and we are still on Aerlith—rather than in the hold of the Basic ship—then let us plan to plunder the secrets of the sacerdotes. In the meantime I strongly recommend that you prepare Happy Valley against a new raid.
Beside the ship the insanity had quieted; the out-worlders huddled quietly beside the hull. There came a sudden mind-shattering explosion: a blankness of yellow and white fire. The ship disintegrated. A great crater marred the valley floor; fragments of metal began to fall among the attacking Banbeck warriors. Kergan Banbeck stared at the scene of destruction. Slowly, his shoulders sagging, he summoned his people and led them back to their ruined valley. At the rear, marching single-file, tied together with ropes, came the twenty-three grephs, dull-eyed, pliant, already remote from their previous existence.
Look up into the night sky, ponder the bounties which might be ours! You ask how can we implement these desires? ” “You mean—” “Communication with the worlds of men! ” Joaz Banbeck nodded dubiously. ” Carcolo held out his hands in a gesture of open-minded tolerance. “Perhaps you are right. But why should we not make inquiries of the sacerdotes? Concretely I propose as follows: that you and I agree to the mutual cause I have outlined. Next, we request an audience with the Demie Sacerdote. We put our questions.