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This is most definitely a dead dog. 23 Man Bites Dog pages 3/2/03 2:03 PM Page 24 MAN BITES DOG I need a plan. I need to do something. I need to either run like buggery and pretend I never saw this, or ring the doorbell and let Satan’s owner know what’s going on. I’m tempted to run, I can’t deny that that’s my favourite option, but standing here, seeing the still form of my greatest nemesis brought low, I can’t help but feel sorry for him. The Dalai Lama said that our enemies help us to define ourselves, and that we should love them for it, but I pretty much only ever hated this dog.

Didn’t say. ’ I think for a moment. ‘Probably needs a timesheet for last week. ’ Sully nods and wanders off to the canteen. David’s got his solemn face on. This isn’t about the timesheet. This is something else. I run through all the things I’ve done lately that might be construed as inappropriate for an Australia Post employee. I can think of a few that would make him cranky, but none that he would have found out about. Whatever it is, I can tell I’m in deep shit. ‘I had a phone call from a Mrs Abigail Fraser this morning.

I realise that I’m holding my breath and let out a gushy sigh. I peer through the gate, half expecting the bastard to jump up out of nowhere and make me shit my pants, but nothing happens. Instead I see Satan lying on his side on a beat-up couch on the veranda. I haven’t seen the front yard of Number 56 for ages, because I’m always either flinching, flinging chicken or screaming past as fast as my bike will carry me. The lemon tree is covered in big yellow fruit, and the lawn could do with a water.

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